As the pages keep turning and the scenes of life come after another, she approaches a sudden halt in her life…
She paused and allowed the world to keep spinning while she moved out and watched as an outsider… Spiritually, she had reached a stage where she was hit badly, bruised, hammered, battered, and shattered; whatever you want to call it. This stop was indeed, a vital one for her, as well as every Muslim as each and every one of us gets caught up in the waves of the world and the hustles of life…
As she got off, she turned and watched the train of this dunya continue its voyage without her… Her desires were calling her; summoning for her… She heard the whispers ringing in her ears; she felt a force, so strong, pulling her… She tried her utmost to pull away. She knew the next step was a challenging one, and she was uncertain of her capability to cope with that which was awaiting her… She turned away only to see the next train approach. Deep down she knew this is what she had to do. Deep down, she knew it was time…
She anxiously stepped into the empty and mysterious train. She was both afraid and excited. Her emotions were racing and her heart was struggling to keep up. She was afraid of leaving the past that she had held onto so dearly… A past that hurt her in many ways yet felt a longing so extreme and intense for it… Her emotions also comprised of a strange and different kind of excitement as she felt an even more intense strength grow within her. This strength sprouted with her realization of how powerful the words ‘La ilaha illallah’ were. With that, it was finally time for her to embark on a new, undying journey. A journey that would take her into the realms of a whole new dimension; one she never believed existed.
She took a seat by the window… It sped and sped; seeming to only go quicker, as her heart and mind accelerated with it. The thoughts, memories and yearnings for the past wildly collided with each other, similar to a group of particles being heated; striking each other in a battle occurring within the walls of the chamber they are held within...
Her heart pounded, and the pounding throbbed through her whole body… She was hurting and she heard a voice inside her scream, drowning out every other sound… its intensity sent shivers down her body. There was nobody in sight, nobody she could call out to. She had to make this journey on her own. The screaming continued. It over rid her desires as she shook all over. She wanted to let go of everything, she didn’t know what to think but what she did know was that she wanted to submit… She knew that much for sure…
The tears flowed… Their warmth marked her cheeks as they trickled down her face. She tried to stop yet they only flowed out further. Indeed they poured out with them relief, but nothing more. The screaming stopped. “Allahu Akbar, Allahu Akbar”, the Azhan blared through the carriage of the train. “Ash-hadu Al-la ilaha illallah” hit her hard from every direction. She cried more and more… her heart was aching… her thoughts and memories of her past were stabbing her hard… He SWT had been there for her so many times yet she neglected her duties towards Him on so many occasions… Her tears and the relief and pain that accompanied them were somewhat of a comfort for she knew in her heart that Allah SWT alleviates all pain.
She was never more certain she was travelling in the right direction than she was certain on that day.
The call to prayer still echoed and replayed in her head. She took a deep breath and held onto the seats for support as she stood up. Her lips uttered the entrancing and powerful words of the Shahadah. She repeated them and with each time, the words were pronounced with more faith and stronger conviction. The train stopped and it was time to get off… The train ride had ended but she knew her ride was not over yet… It had only just begun… She was in for so much more for her trip was not a temporary one; it was forever...
The Shahadah came with conditions and to obtain the success and happiness she was seeking, her promise to the Almighty was to be kept, treasured and honored. In turn, Allah would fulfill His. ِ
{وَأَوْفُواْ بِعَهْدِي أُوفِ بِعَهْدِكُمْ وَإِيَّايَ فَارْهَبُونِ …}
“… And fulfill your covenant with Me as I fulfill My Covenant with you, and fear none but Me.”
She did not doubt for a second that Allah will be just… but a feeling of dread returned to her and besieged her… She knew the time will come when she would have to answer for her life. Will she answer correctly? Will she gain the success she desires? The fear that came with the thought of her failing and losing the next life was enough to make any mountain collapse and any ground shake. Was it too late to change??? Her heart trembled as she pondered over these questions. She raised her hands up to the sky, her heart bled, her body was weak and with every part of her, she cried and she cried and she cried… “Ya Allah! Forgive me!!! Forgive me! Forgive me! Ya Allah guide me!!! I have stood at your door, do not reject me. Oh Allah, I have put my complete trust in you, do not abandon me. Ya Allah, I have made many mistakes in my life, but I know you are the Most Merciful and the Most Kind, so have mercy on me and protect me ya Allah. You have many servants but I have only One Master ya Allah. No one can forgive me but You and I can turn to no one other than You, so Ya Allah, accept my Tawbah and do not let me die except in the state of Islam…” Allahumma Aameen.
She walked straight ahead of her…She muted all the noise and clamour she had created in her previous life, for she did not want to be diverted from her mission anymore… She had one aim, and would do her utmost to reach it. Allah SWT had perfected his favour upon mankind and chosen Islam as the one and only religion… She was never ever going to let go. She had prayed to her Lord many times seeking guidance and now she felt her heart had become alive with the beauty and sweetness of Islam running in her veins… fusing and blending with her blood… inhaled and exhaled with each breath… pounding with each heartbeat… uttered with each word… and remembered with each thought…
Verses of the Qur’an filled her soul… “Light upon light. God guides to His light whom He wills. And God strikes similitude for man and God has knowledge of everything.” It was like nothing she had ever felt before… She felt as though she was a new born child; so pure… She did not want to return to her past, she felt so complete with what she had now… She prayed and she prayed that the Most Merciful forgive her sins and keep her on the straight path… She never imagined returning to the One who created her to be so beautiful and sublime… She had read and heard of its beauty but only now did she really feel it… “Allah extends His hands in the night to forgive the sinner of the day and extends His hands in the day to forgive the sinner of the night.” He had been so kind and never abandoned her for a single moment… Reminiscing now, she knew His reminders were always there; whether in her parents, her family, and her friends… the signs were everywhere… it was her that ignored them and denied her conscience all along… This experience was like no other…. It was like a new breath of life being blown into her… It was like admiring the beauty and perfection of a field of flowers on a beautiful spring day and like her breath being taken away with happiness at the sight of a loved one… She never wanted to imagine her life being otherwise. All praise and thanks be to Allah, Lord of the worlds.
Her journey was a beautiful one; filled with love and devotion to One God. Her life had become illuminated with people from all walks of life who shared one aim and shone together as one Ummah. They were united under the one, single banner of La Ilaha Illallah.
May you all enter Jannah with your loved ones, hand in hand, praising Your Lord, saying: Alhamdulillahi rabbil 'Alameen, to abide therein forever. Ameen
-------------------------------------------------------------------
39:71 [And those who disbelieve shall be driven to hell in companies; until, when they come to it, its doors shall be opened, and the keepers of it shall say to them: Did not there come to you messengers from among you reciting to you the communications of your Lord and warning you of the meeting of this day of yours? They shall say: Yea! But the sentence of punishment was due against the unbelievers.]
39:72 [It shall be said: Enter the gates of hell to abide therein; so evil is the abode of the proud.]
39:73 [And those who are careful of (their duty to) their Lord shall be conveyed to the garden in companies; until when they come to it, and its doors shall be opened, and the keepers of it shall say to them: Peace be on you, you shall be happy; therefore enter it to abide.]
39:74 [And they shall say: (All) praise is due to Allah, Who has made good to us His promise, and He has made us inherit the land; we may abide in the garden where we please; so goodly is the reward of the workers.]
39:75 [And you shall see the angels going round about the throne glorifying the praise of their Lord; and judgment shall be given between them with justice, and it shall be said: All praise is due to Allah, the Lord of the worlds.]
